"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)
"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
12 Step Recovery Program For Web Addict
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7) I will read a book... if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7) I will read a book... if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!
30 Lines to Make you Smile
1.. My wife and I divorced over religious differences... She thought she was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot, Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12.. NyQuil, the st uffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room -spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24.. They call it PMS be cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27.. Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.. I'm not a complete idiot, Some parts are missing.
11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12.. NyQuil, the st uffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room -spinning medicine.
13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19.. Procrastinate Now!
20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24.. They call it PMS be cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
25.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27.. Ham and eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.
Nudist Colony Rules (16+)
A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for me?'
The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man.
'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.
'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.
The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.
'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'
'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'
'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!!!'
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for me?'
The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man.
'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.
'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.
The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.
'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'
'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'
'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!!!'
Few Jokes to Make you Laugh
Man: Doctor my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her to get it back?
Doctor: Try to come home at 3 in the morning.
Why is a bachelor skinny and a married man fat?
-The Bachelor comes home, takes one look at what's in the refrigerator, and goes to bed.
-The Married man comes home, takes one look at what's in the bed and goes to refrigerator!
Parent: How did you write your exam?
Son: they have given the questions which I don't know. So I wrote answers which they don't know..!!
Decent girls open a few buttons in a hot atmosphere...
But smart girls open a few buttons to make the atmosphere hot!
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM: Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.
SON: But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school.
MOM: Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school.
SON: One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.
MOM: Oh! That's not a r...eason. Come on, you have to go to school.
SON: Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?
MOM: One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
Doctor: Try to come home at 3 in the morning.
Why is a bachelor skinny and a married man fat?
-The Bachelor comes home, takes one look at what's in the refrigerator, and goes to bed.
-The Married man comes home, takes one look at what's in the bed and goes to refrigerator!
Parent: How did you write your exam?
Son: they have given the questions which I don't know. So I wrote answers which they don't know..!!
Decent girls open a few buttons in a hot atmosphere...
But smart girls open a few buttons to make the atmosphere hot!
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM: Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.
SON: But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school.
MOM: Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school.
SON: One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.
MOM: Oh! That's not a r...eason. Come on, you have to go to school.
SON: Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?
MOM: One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
Tragic Love Story on an Engineer
When I was in 12th
She was in 12th
I got B.E
She got B.Com
I was B.E..
She got Ph.D.
I completed B.E..
She got a doctorate.
She got married..
I was preparing for M.Tech entrance..
She's the mother of two children..
I am doing my M.Tech..
Her daughter is in 1st standard
I completed my M.Tech
Her daughter passed 10th ..
I am joining a job..
Now I am settled and looking for a beautiful girl, just like her..
The greatest IRONY
Today is my ENGAGEMENT and her daughter is my 'Wife'
So Moral of the Story is
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'
Agle Janam mein Commerce he liyo'
She was in 12th
I got B.E
She got B.Com
I was B.E..
She got Ph.D.
I completed B.E..
She got a doctorate.
She got married..
I was preparing for M.Tech entrance..
She's the mother of two children..
I am doing my M.Tech..
Her daughter is in 1st standard
I completed my M.Tech
Her daughter passed 10th ..
I am joining a job..
Now I am settled and looking for a beautiful girl, just like her..
The greatest IRONY
Today is my ENGAGEMENT and her daughter is my 'Wife'
So Moral of the Story is
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'
Agle Janam mein Commerce he liyo'
Balance Sheet of Life
Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced aViews are our Liabilities.
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets.
Heart is our Current Asset.
Soul is our Fixed Asset.
Brain is our Fixed Deposit.
Thinking is our Current Account.
Achievements are our Capital.
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade.
Friends are our General Reserves.
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill.
Love is our Dividend.
Children are our Bonus Issues.
Education is Brands / Patents.
Knowledge is our Investment.
Experience is our Premium Account.
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced aViews are our Liabilities.
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets.
Heart is our Current Asset.
Soul is our Fixed Asset.
Brain is our Fixed Deposit.
Thinking is our Current Account.
Achievements are our Capital.
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade.
Friends are our General Reserves.
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill.
Love is our Dividend.
Children are our Bonus Issues.
Education is Brands / Patents.
Knowledge is our Investment.
Experience is our Premium Account.
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.
Unmarried Girl Gets Pregnant
A young unmarried girl discovers that she is pregnant.
Scared,
She confides this 'news' to her mother.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you?
I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and theGirl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However, If there is a miscarriage or unsucessful delivery , what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
Firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You can try again!"
Scared,
She confides this 'news' to her mother.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did This to you?
I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature And distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and theGirl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the Problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family Situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However, If there is a miscarriage or unsucessful delivery , what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
Firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You can try again!"
Notices and Signs that Deserve an 'E' Grade
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an 'E' for Effort.
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself..
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself..
One Line Proposals, Even Shorter Rejections
1. I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.
Reply : I don't mind where you die.. as long as you do!
2. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.
Reply : So, how many times did you fail kinder garten?
3. Are your legs tired? Because you been running through my mind ALL day long.
Reply : Yes, they are. I've been running away from you!
4. Are you lost? Because it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.
Reply : How many times have you been to heaven, anyway?
5. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?
Reply : Yeah.. why don't you walk by and just keep walking!
6. What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.
Reply : What are you on? Crack or cocaine?
7. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.
Reply : (too corny.. maybe a disgusted look would be enough)
8. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.
Reply : You can be sure of going to hell.. your stupidity will assure you of a place!
9. If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.
Reply : So, that's your problem.. simple mathematics otherwise!
Reply : I don't mind where you die.. as long as you do!
2. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.
Reply : So, how many times did you fail kinder garten?
3. Are your legs tired? Because you been running through my mind ALL day long.
Reply : Yes, they are. I've been running away from you!
4. Are you lost? Because it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.
Reply : How many times have you been to heaven, anyway?
5. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?
Reply : Yeah.. why don't you walk by and just keep walking!
6. What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.
Reply : What are you on? Crack or cocaine?
7. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.
Reply : (too corny.. maybe a disgusted look would be enough)
8. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.
Reply : You can be sure of going to hell.. your stupidity will assure you of a place!
9. If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.
Reply : So, that's your problem.. simple mathematics otherwise!
It's Hell Getting Old
OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man Mushtaq was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam in Lahore.
The doctor gave Mushtaq a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old Mushtaq reappeared at the doctor's clinic and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the Mushtaq explained,
'Well, doctor saab, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Big Abida, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?' Mushtaq replied,
'You see, none of us could get the jar open.'
An 85-year-old man Mushtaq was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam in Lahore.
The doctor gave Mushtaq a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old Mushtaq reappeared at the doctor's clinic and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the Mushtaq explained,
'Well, doctor saab, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Big Abida, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbour?' Mushtaq replied,
'You see, none of us could get the jar open.'
Drinks at a Bar
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in Dublin.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,
"Give the ballerina (a female ballet dancer) a drink!"
The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?" The drunk replied,
"Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a woman drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed,
"Give the ballerina (a female ballet dancer) a drink!"
The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?" The drunk replied,
"Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
Naming the Twins
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.
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