One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money, " Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor." So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better. ------------------------------------------------------Kids Ever notice how a 4 year old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices? Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karen, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was OK to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said okay. After my next trip several weeks later, Karen and the children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What is the good news?" "The good news is that nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was. ------------------------------------------------------Testify in Court
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility... Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?" A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away." Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?" A: "The officer who responded to the scene." Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?" A: "Yes, sir. With my life." Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?" A: "Yes sir, we do!" Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?" A: "Yes sir, I do." Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?" A: "Yes sir." Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?" A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room." The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.
The Benefits of Marriage
On their 35th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and many great other qualities that you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single." A man finally got to the front of the line at the airline ticket counter only to notice someone had hung mistletoe over the baggage scale. He asked the cute clerk, "Is that so you can kiss all us customers?" She replied, "No. It's so you can kiss your suitcase goodbye!"
When a Train goes to a Field
Once there was a train, which was going peacefully on the rail tracks.Suddenly the train deviated from the tracks, went into the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. At the next railway station the driver was arrested He was found to be a Sardar. He was questioned. He explained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after blowing the horn, flashing the lights etc. The authorities questioned : Mr. Singh are you mad! Just to save the life of one person you put the lives of so many passengers in danger. You should have run that person over.Sardar said : That is exactly what I had decided, but this idiot started running towards the field when the train got real close.
Santa and Banta's Medical Terminology
Have you heard of our Santa and Banta applying to a medical school to become a doctor? Needless to say he never made it. You know why? These are the answers he wrote in his entrance exam.
Antibody - against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings.
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.
Cesarean section - a district in Rome.
Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.
Chronic - neck of a crow.Coma - punctuation mark.
Cortisone - area around local court.
Cyst - short for sister.
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.
Dilate - the late British Princess
Diana.Dislocation - in this place.
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.
Enema - not a friend.Fake labour - pretending to work.
Genes - blue denim.Hernia - she is close by.
Impotent - distinguished/well known.
Labour pain - hurt at work.Lactose - people without toes.
Lymph - walk unsteadily.Microbes - small dressing gown.
Obesity - city of Obe.Pacemaker - winner of
Nobel peace prize.Proteins - in favor of teens.Pulse - grain.Pus - small cat.Red blood count - Dracula.Secretion - hiding anything.Tablet - small table.Ultrasound - radical noise.
Antibody - against everyone
Artery - The study of the paintings.
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria.
Cesarean section - a district in Rome.
Cardiology - advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan - searching for lost kitty.
Chronic - neck of a crow.Coma - punctuation mark.
Cortisone - area around local court.
Cyst - short for sister.
Diagnosis - person with slanted nose.
Dilate - the late British Princess
Diana.Dislocation - in this place.
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans.
Enema - not a friend.Fake labour - pretending to work.
Genes - blue denim.Hernia - she is close by.
Impotent - distinguished/well known.
Labour pain - hurt at work.Lactose - people without toes.
Lymph - walk unsteadily.Microbes - small dressing gown.
Obesity - city of Obe.Pacemaker - winner of
Nobel peace prize.Proteins - in favor of teens.Pulse - grain.Pus - small cat.Red blood count - Dracula.Secretion - hiding anything.Tablet - small table.Ultrasound - radical noise.
In reply of all sardar jokes
ts true..
We all love Sardar jokes. But do you know that Sikhs are one of the most hard working prosperous and diversified communities in the world. My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking. During last vacation, my few friends went to Delhi . They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed. At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, ''Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city.' My friend continued,* ' That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging anywhere.' MORAL :The secret behind their universal success, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, put a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry,............ but he will never beg on the streets.
We all love Sardar jokes. But do you know that Sikhs are one of the most hard working prosperous and diversified communities in the world. My friend told me about the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking. During last vacation, my few friends went to Delhi . They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar and boys being boys, these pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man. But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed. At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change, but he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, ''Son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city.' My friend continued,* ' That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging anywhere.' MORAL :The secret behind their universal success, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication and pride. A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, put a fruit juice stall, take up small time carpentry,............ but he will never beg on the streets.
the fojish PAKIES
Three guys, a Pak, a Sri Lankan and an Indian are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie. The Sri Lankan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Sri Lanka." With a blink of the Genie's eye,'FOOM' the land in Sri Lanka was forever made fertile for farming. The Paki was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Pakistan, so that no foreigners can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Pakistan. The Indian asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state.Nothing can get in or out." The Indian says, "My wish is that you fill it up with water."
==================================================== Banta was in the army.During the war with Pakistan, Banta used his intelligence to kill many Pakistani soldiers. He would hide behind the bushes and shout Pakistani names like - Imran Khan etc. and the soldier named Imran Khan would get up to say "I am here !" Then Banta would shoot him down. This went on till Banta almost wiped out all the soldiers single handedly! Suddenly the Pakistani commander realized that Banta was killing all his soldiers by fooling them. So he decides to use Banta's own method to kill him and starts calling him names like Banta etc. Banta realizing that the Pakistani was using his trick, suddenly says "Who called me?" and the Commander gets up to say "I called you." Banta shoots him down!
==================================================== Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak). In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap. When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!" The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old hag than me." The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped." And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani soldier."
==================================================== God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance. For every 10 deer there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.... And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance." One of the angels asked... "God, what is this beautiful country here?" God said "Aha...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains.A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold....." The angel was quite surprised "But God you said everything should be in balance." God replied "Look at the neighbors I gave them" !!
==================================================== You're locked in a room with Saddam Hussien, Adolf Hitler, and a Pakistani. You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the Pakistani twice to make sure he's dead.
What's brown and black and looks great on a Pakistani?A Doberman. How can you tell when a Pakistani is lying?His lips are moving. What do you have when a Pakistani is buried up to his neck in sand?Not enough sand. Did you Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of Pakistanis?He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
====================================================
==================================================== Banta was in the army.During the war with Pakistan, Banta used his intelligence to kill many Pakistani soldiers. He would hide behind the bushes and shout Pakistani names like - Imran Khan etc. and the soldier named Imran Khan would get up to say "I am here !" Then Banta would shoot him down. This went on till Banta almost wiped out all the soldiers single handedly! Suddenly the Pakistani commander realized that Banta was killing all his soldiers by fooling them. So he decides to use Banta's own method to kill him and starts calling him names like Banta etc. Banta realizing that the Pakistani was using his trick, suddenly says "Who called me?" and the Commander gets up to say "I called you." Banta shoots him down!
==================================================== Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak). In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel. It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap. When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!" The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old hag than me." The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped." And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani soldier."
==================================================== God was in the process of creating the universe. And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance. For every 10 deer there should be a lion. Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.I have blessed them with prosperity and money. But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.... And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature. But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.... And here is south America. I have given them lots of forests. But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests... So you see fellows, everything should be in balance." One of the angels asked... "God, what is this beautiful country here?" God said "Aha...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA. My most precious creation. It has understanding and friendly people. Sparkling streams, serene mountains.A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold....." The angel was quite surprised "But God you said everything should be in balance." God replied "Look at the neighbors I gave them" !!
==================================================== You're locked in a room with Saddam Hussien, Adolf Hitler, and a Pakistani. You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the Pakistani twice to make sure he's dead.
What's brown and black and looks great on a Pakistani?A Doberman. How can you tell when a Pakistani is lying?His lips are moving. What do you have when a Pakistani is buried up to his neck in sand?Not enough sand. Did you Hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of Pakistanis?He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
====================================================
Ugly Kid
A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically.
He says, "Lady, that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid."
The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. The conductor sees her and comes over to her to console her.
He says, "Lady, relax...things are going to be all right...we'll get off at the next stop, get a cup of coffee...maybe we'll even find a banana for your monkey."
Weeping little boy
A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping. His tears are streaming down his cheeks. An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him. "What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?" "It's mean!", the boy sniffed, "My daddy drowned all four little kittens we had yesterday!" "That's awful indeed !", the lady replied angrily, "Your father is a real bastard!' "Yes", said the little boy, "He had promised to me that I could do it."
Fairy Tales begin with
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"
Pearl Necklace
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"
Heaven Questions
This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions.
guy: "Why are girls so pretty?"
God: "So you'll like them."
guy: "Why are girls soft?"
God: "So you'll like them."
guy: "Why are girls so dumb?"
God: "So they'll like you."
He says, "Lady, that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid."
The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. The conductor sees her and comes over to her to console her.
He says, "Lady, relax...things are going to be all right...we'll get off at the next stop, get a cup of coffee...maybe we'll even find a banana for your monkey."
Weeping little boy
A little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping. His tears are streaming down his cheeks. An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him. "What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?" "It's mean!", the boy sniffed, "My daddy drowned all four little kittens we had yesterday!" "That's awful indeed !", the lady replied angrily, "Your father is a real bastard!' "Yes", said the little boy, "He had promised to me that I could do it."
Fairy Tales begin with
A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once Upon A Time?" And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with 'If Elected I promise...'"
Pearl Necklace
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"
Heaven Questions
This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions.
guy: "Why are girls so pretty?"
God: "So you'll like them."
guy: "Why are girls soft?"
God: "So you'll like them."
guy: "Why are girls so dumb?"
God: "So they'll like you."
Patni ki aarti - English translations below
Jai ho, Jai ho, O Patni Rani, Karti ho tum man maani
(May you live long wife, the self willed wife)
Baat hamari hardam ho talti, hum utaaren teri aarti
(The one who never listens to us, we pray before you dear wife)
Tum saman balshali koi jag main nahi dooja
(No one is as powerful as you are in this world)
Hum toh hain balheen, tumahari Karen kiss tarah puja
(We are so powerless, tell us how should we worship you)
Hum se khana banwane wali, bartan manjwaane wali
(You make us cook and wash dishes)
Naukar sa hum ko dhutkaarti, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(You kick us like slaves, we pray before you dear wife)
Tum bachon ki amma pyaari, saas ki bitiya pyaari
(You are the lovable mom of the kids and your mom-in-law)
Kabhi agar tum rootho, kar do khatiya khari humari
(Whenever you get angry with us, you make the life hell for us)
Hum ko aksar hardkane waali, aankhen dikhane waali
(You often reprimand us, and give us rebuking glances)
Gussa tum hum par utarti, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(You release all your wrath upon us, we pray before you dear wife)
Dhoop deep kuch tumhe na sohe gar kapoor baati,
(Fragrant sticks, earthen lamps, incense all are for you dear wife)
Creame powder wali, lakhi lakhi tum kafi harshati
(You use tremenduous quantities of powders and creams cosmetics and feel happy)
Yun toh lagti ho bholi bhaali, lekin tum ho ek du-naali
(Though you look innocent but you are not less than any double barrel gun)
Boli ki goli hardam marti ho, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(You fire on us like a bullet, we pray before you dear wife)
Pati-Patni ke es jag mein hai wahi purana nataa
(Husband-wife have the same old relationship since the world came to existence)
Baithi baithi khati patni, pati din-raat kamata
(Wife devours sitting at home and the husband toils day and night to earn)
Nish din mauj urane wali, humko tarsane wali
(Every day you play with his money while we die to quench our thirst for the money)
Saari kamai tum aakarti ho, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(Each and every penny is consumed by you, we pray before you dear wife)
Ye saari dhan-daulat teri, tera chandi sona
,(All this wealth is for you, all the gold and silver is devoted to you)
Hum toh kewal itna chaahe, tu naraj na hona
(We just wish that you may not get angry with us)
Hum ko ullu banane waali, ghar ki hey Laxmi aali,
(You have befooled us like an owl , you are our home’s Lakshmi Goddess)
Sewak ko kahe phatkarti, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(Why are you kicking your slave, we pray before you dear wife)
(May you live long wife, the self willed wife)
Baat hamari hardam ho talti, hum utaaren teri aarti
(The one who never listens to us, we pray before you dear wife)
Tum saman balshali koi jag main nahi dooja
(No one is as powerful as you are in this world)
Hum toh hain balheen, tumahari Karen kiss tarah puja
(We are so powerless, tell us how should we worship you)
Hum se khana banwane wali, bartan manjwaane wali
(You make us cook and wash dishes)
Naukar sa hum ko dhutkaarti, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(You kick us like slaves, we pray before you dear wife)
Tum bachon ki amma pyaari, saas ki bitiya pyaari
(You are the lovable mom of the kids and your mom-in-law)
Kabhi agar tum rootho, kar do khatiya khari humari
(Whenever you get angry with us, you make the life hell for us)
Hum ko aksar hardkane waali, aankhen dikhane waali
(You often reprimand us, and give us rebuking glances)
Gussa tum hum par utarti, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(You release all your wrath upon us, we pray before you dear wife)
Dhoop deep kuch tumhe na sohe gar kapoor baati,
(Fragrant sticks, earthen lamps, incense all are for you dear wife)
Creame powder wali, lakhi lakhi tum kafi harshati
(You use tremenduous quantities of powders and creams cosmetics and feel happy)
Yun toh lagti ho bholi bhaali, lekin tum ho ek du-naali
(Though you look innocent but you are not less than any double barrel gun)
Boli ki goli hardam marti ho, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(You fire on us like a bullet, we pray before you dear wife)
Pati-Patni ke es jag mein hai wahi purana nataa
(Husband-wife have the same old relationship since the world came to existence)
Baithi baithi khati patni, pati din-raat kamata
(Wife devours sitting at home and the husband toils day and night to earn)
Nish din mauj urane wali, humko tarsane wali
(Every day you play with his money while we die to quench our thirst for the money)
Saari kamai tum aakarti ho, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(Each and every penny is consumed by you, we pray before you dear wife)
Ye saari dhan-daulat teri, tera chandi sona
,(All this wealth is for you, all the gold and silver is devoted to you)
Hum toh kewal itna chaahe, tu naraj na hona
(We just wish that you may not get angry with us)
Hum ko ullu banane waali, ghar ki hey Laxmi aali,
(You have befooled us like an owl , you are our home’s Lakshmi Goddess)
Sewak ko kahe phatkarti, O rani, hum utaren teri aarti
(Why are you kicking your slave, we pray before you dear wife)
Your test
So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it."
OK, relax, clear your mind and... lets begin. Don't scroll down until you have the answer and dont cheat!
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1. What do you put in a toaster?
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Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
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2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.
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3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from? .
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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass," then! go on to Question 4.
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4. Its twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany(If you will recall, Germanyat the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.)
Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germanyand West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germanyor in "no man's land"?
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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next question.
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5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from Londonto MilfordHaven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Sweden, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at MilfordHaven. What was the name of the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU! Read the question carfeully
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Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do better than you did.
(PS: 95% of people fail in most of the questions!)
OK, relax, clear your mind and... lets begin. Don't scroll down until you have the answer and dont cheat!
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1. What do you put in a toaster?
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Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
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2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.
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3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from? .
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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass," then! go on to Question 4.
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4. Its twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany(If you will recall, Germanyat the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.)
Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germanyand West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany or West Germanyor in "no man's land"?
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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next question.
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5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from Londonto MilfordHaven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Sweden, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at MilfordHaven. What was the name of the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name? It was YOU! Read the question carfeully
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Now pass this along to all your "smart friends" and hope they do better than you did.
(PS: 95% of people fail in most of the questions!)
Relationships
The best relation ever is between two eyes,
“they blink together”
“Move together”
“Cry together”
“See together”
“Sleep together”
“STILL”
they never see each other directly
“BUT”
“when they see a girl”
one will blink and other will not!!
“MORAL OF THE STORY”
A Girl can break any kind of relationship.
“they blink together”
“Move together”
“Cry together”
“See together”
“Sleep together”
“STILL”
they never see each other directly
“BUT”
“when they see a girl”
one will blink and other will not!!
“MORAL OF THE STORY”
A Girl can break any kind of relationship.
Prison Or Work
When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...
IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
AT WORK........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behaviour.AT WORK........You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK.........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
AT WORK........You have to share.
IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK.......They are called supervisors.
IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read blogger jokes.
AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught. NOW GET BACK TO WORK!
IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
AT WORK........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behaviour.AT WORK........You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.
IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK.........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
AT WORK........You have to share.
IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK.......They are called supervisors.
IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read blogger jokes.
AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught. NOW GET BACK TO WORK!
Software Condoms
When the Software industry had badly gone down, three giants Sun, SCO(UNIX) and Microsoft started producing condoms and named them Java-condo, CondomiX and MS-Condom respectively. A customer using Java-condo complained to Sun that the condom doesn't fit correctly. Sun replied: "Wait till we get the ISO standard". They boasted that it will fit to any size irrespective of underlying structure. Well, the customer switched to CondomiX and found that by the time he finishes reading the instructions, given along with CondomiX, his wife was sleeping and he himself forgetting why he is using CondomiX. Finally he switched to MS-Condom. To his surprise it was so good........and comfortable!. He used it happily. Six months later he found that his wife was pregnant. He got angry and complained to Microsoft. He got his reply from Microsoft:
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What do u think was Microsoft's reply
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???
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A PATCH IS COMING SOON...!
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What do u think was Microsoft's reply
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A PATCH IS COMING SOON...!
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