Most cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in English, go prepare for some standard questions that are asked to them when commentators chat with them during the awards ceremony. Inzamam was once asked a different question after Pakistan won the match, for which he was not prepared. He always used his standard response to the first question after winning. But this time.....
Tony Greig: So Inzi, that's fantastic, your wife is pregnant for the second time and u must be happy!
Inzamam: Bismillah-e- Rehman-e- Rahim! All credit goes to the boys. Everyone work hard for it, especially Afridi. It was tight situation when he went in. Also Bob Woolmer was keeping close watch on progress and giving instructions. It's all team effort. Insha Allah, we all will work together as a team, put in big effort and deliver good result all the time and will be able to REPEAT the same result.
Tony fainted!
Rich Marwari in New York!
A Maadu named Jaikishan lived in New York city. Once he went to a bank to request a loan of $5000 as he was about to leave for a business trip to Europe. The bank agreed for the loan but asked for a guarantee. The Maadu immediately handed the bank manager the keys to his brand new rolls royce that was parked downstairs. The bank people agreed and parked the rolls royce in their parking lot. The Maadu took the $5000 and went to Europe. He returned after a week. The bank asked him $12.50 interest on the loan. The Maadu paid the amount and the interest and was about to leave before the bank manager stopped him for a minute. The manager told the maadu that he was pleased to do business with the maadu but he also told that, 'sir, we checked your accounts and we came to know that you are a millionaire, then why did you borrow just $5000 from us?' The Maadu replied,' it's not the $5000 that matter, What matters is that I couldn't have found such a safe parking for my car for $12.50 for a week.'
The Infosys and Sholay joke
- Amitabh : Mausi ladka "Infosys " mein kaam karta hai…
- Mausi : Hai raam…
- Amitabh : Aajkal allocated bhi hai…
- Mausi : To kya kabhi unallocated ( i.e. bench pe) bhi rahta hai????
- Amitabh : Ab C rating waalon ka allocation itni asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi …
- Mausi : To kya C rating bhi aati hai uski????
- Amitabh : Project manager se ladaai karne ke baad A ya uske upar ki rating to nahin na milti hai mausi…
- Mausi : To kya ladaaku bhi hai????
- Amitabh : Ab onsite jaane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi-kabhi anban …
- Mausi : To kya onsite bhi nahin gayaa aaj tak????
- Amitabh : Ab civil engineers ka Visa itni jaldi kahaan lagta hai mausi…
- Mausi : To kya ladka civil engineer hai???? Engineering kaun se college se kiya hai????
- Amitabh : Bas uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar kar denge
- Amitabh : To kya main rishta pakka samjhun mausi ??
- Mausi : Bhale hi hamaari Basanti call center waale se shaadi kar le, par INFY waale se kabhi nahin karegi…….
THE OLD MOTOR
The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child. The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'Thisis amazing. How do you do it at your age?' The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.' The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child. The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?' The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.' A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child. The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something awesome! How do you do it?' The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.' The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one is black!'
smile
There was this tiger that woke up one morning and just felt great. He felt so good, he went out and cornered a small monkey and roared at him, "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?" And the poor quaking little monkey replied, "You are of course, no one is mightier than you." A little while later the tiger confronted a deer, and bellowed out, "WHO IS THE GREATEST AND STRONGEST OF ALL THE JUNGLE ANIMALS?" The deer shook so hard it could barely speak, but managed to stammer, "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle." The tiger, being on a roll, swaggered up to an elephant who was quietly munching on some weeds, and roared at the top of his voice: "WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL THE ANIMALS IN THE JUNGLE?" Well, the elephant grabbed the tiger with his trunk, picked him up, slammed him down; picked him up again, and shook him until the tiger was just a blur of orange and black and finally threw him violently into a nearby tree. The tiger staggered to his feet and looked at the elephant and said, "Man, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so mad."
Santa's Wedding Night
Santa and Preeto had just got married. It was their wedding night in a five star hotel. Preeto was lying on her back on the bed in an incredible shimmering silky negligee, "Take me Santa. Take me now!"
Santa being a virgin and very good boy didn't have the faintest idea what to do next, suddenly he had a brilliant idea. He dashed out of the room and went to reception to ring his mom for advice.
Her advice was to put the hardest part of his body into where Preeto pees. Santa was a bit dubious about this but his mother assured him that Preeto would love it.
Santa came back in to the bedroom triumphantly, asked Preeto if she was ready.
Preeto shouted, "Yes, Yes, I'm ready!"
Then she watched in amazement as Santa ran into the bathroom and put his head down the toilet.
Santa being a virgin and very good boy didn't have the faintest idea what to do next, suddenly he had a brilliant idea. He dashed out of the room and went to reception to ring his mom for advice.
Her advice was to put the hardest part of his body into where Preeto pees. Santa was a bit dubious about this but his mother assured him that Preeto would love it.
Santa came back in to the bedroom triumphantly, asked Preeto if she was ready.
Preeto shouted, "Yes, Yes, I'm ready!"
Then she watched in amazement as Santa ran into the bathroom and put his head down the toilet.
लगता है पहुच गयी
एक आदमी अपनी बीवी का अंतिम संस्कार करके घर जा रहा था की अचानक बिजली चमकी, बदल गरज़े, ज़ोर से बारिश शुरू हुई.
आदमी बोला: लगता है पहुँच गई
आदमी बोला: लगता है पहुँच गई
कुछ तो पहन ले
1980 Girls: माँ मे Jeans पहनुंगीमाँ : नहीं बेटी लोग क्या कहेंगे?
2007 Girls: माँ में मिनी स्कर्ट पहनुंगीमाँ: पहनले बेटी कुछ तो पेहन ले!
2007 Girls: माँ में मिनी स्कर्ट पहनुंगीमाँ: पहनले बेटी कुछ तो पेहन ले!
किस
एक बार अटल बिहारी , मुशर्रफ , मल्लिका शेरावत और मार्गरेट थेचर , एक साथ ट्रेन में सफर कर रहे थे। ट्रेन एक सुरंग के अंदर से गुजरी , घना अंधेरा छा गया। अटल को पता नही क्या सूझी , उसने अपने हाथ को चूमकर एक जोरदार आवाज निकाली और एक जोरदार झापड़ मुशर्रफ के रसीद कर दिया। सभी ने झापड़ की आवाज़ को सुना। ट्रेन जब सुरंग से बाहर निकली , सबने देखा , मुशर्रफ अपने गाल को सहला रहा था , सभी ने अलग अलग सोचा : -मुशर्रफ सोच रहा था : अटल ने मल्लिका को किस किया होगा , गलती से झापड़ मुझे पड़ गया।
मल्लिका सोच रही थी : हो सकता है मुशर्रफ ने मेरे को किस करने के चक्कर मे मार्गरेट थैचर को किस कर दिया हो इसलिए पिटा।
मार्गरेट सोच रही थीं : ये मुशर्रफ भी ना , गलत जगह हाथ डाल देता है , मुझे किस करता तो , कम से कम , झापड़ तो ना पड़ता ।
अटल सोच रहे थे : अगली बार सुरंग आएगी तो फिर से करूंगा।
मल्लिका सोच रही थी : हो सकता है मुशर्रफ ने मेरे को किस करने के चक्कर मे मार्गरेट थैचर को किस कर दिया हो इसलिए पिटा।
मार्गरेट सोच रही थीं : ये मुशर्रफ भी ना , गलत जगह हाथ डाल देता है , मुझे किस करता तो , कम से कम , झापड़ तो ना पड़ता ।
अटल सोच रहे थे : अगली बार सुरंग आएगी तो फिर से करूंगा।
Life Before & After Marriage
Before marriage.....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don ' t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I ' m not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don ' t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I ' m not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.
An Interesting Letter. Son Vs Dad
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
The Reply from the Dad was:
---
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
The Reply from the Dad was:
---
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
This is how the World Works
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York, he sees a little girl being attacked by a bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl"
The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" - the policeman answers.
"But I am not an American!" - says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?
The man says: - "I am a Iraqi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog, Connections to terrorist networks are being explored"
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl"
The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" - the policeman answers.
"But I am not an American!" - says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?
The man says: - "I am a Iraqi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog, Connections to terrorist networks are being explored"
too good too bad
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
Born free, taxed to death.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
I love being a writer.. what I can't stand is the paperwork.
A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
The cigarette does the smoking, you are just the sucker.
Someday is not a day of the week
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
Born free, taxed to death.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
I love being a writer.. what I can't stand is the paperwork.
A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
The cigarette does the smoking, you are just the sucker.
Someday is not a day of the week
Time for Some Logic
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
If, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work !
In other words,
Human that don't enjoy = Donkey that work
**************************
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money
If Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
**************************
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend
If, Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words, Women that don't spend = Donkeys
**************************
So the Conclusion is:
Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!
Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
If, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work !
In other words,
Human that don't enjoy = Donkey that work
**************************
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money
If Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
**************************
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend
If, Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words, Women that don't spend = Donkeys
**************************
So the Conclusion is:
Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!
Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)