A pessimist is a man who thinks
all women are bad;
an optimist hopes
they are
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Dad, why is sperm donation more expensive than blood donation?
Dad: Because its handmade
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Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls
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It goes in dry and comes out wet,
the longer it's in the the stronger it gets,
it comes out dripping and starts to sag,
it's not what you think!
It's a Tetley's teabag
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It's long, hard, and usually white.
It often has little hairs at the end.
You put it in your mouth and you move it around. When you are done with it, you spit out the tasty, filmy white stuff. What is it?
A toothbrush.
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People are funny.
They want the front of the bus,
middle of the road,
and the back of the church
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Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman,
"Well, tonight's the night we have sex!" And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself,
"My God, if I knew she was a virgin,
I would have been much more gentle with her!" And the woman was thinking to herself,
"My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose
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Love is a complicated machine, sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it
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This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home.
He calls her on the phone, and says,
"I'll be home in an hour."
"Perfect," she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before.
He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife? She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half." The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice.
"What should I do?" he asks.
The Doctor replied,
"It would be a shame to waste it.
Do you have a housekeeper around?"
"Yes" the man replied.
"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper
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