The Value of a Drink

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I
look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all o
f their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is b
etter that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish
and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell h
appened to your garments.

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning,
that's as good as they're going to feel all day."
~Frank Sinatra


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are to
ugher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughi
ng WITH you.

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright=20

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fa
ll asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, le
t's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

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"Beer is the only proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a ret
ard

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer
. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel d
oes not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry=20


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over
and over again that you love them.

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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell


WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically co
nverse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

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And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the BuffaloTheory to h
is buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fa
st as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest a
nd weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is
good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowe
st brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.
But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In th
is way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, maki
ng the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always fee
l smarter after a few beers."