1 ) Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."Customer : "Ok."Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"Customer : "No."Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"Customer : "No."Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up untilthis point?"Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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2) Customer : "I received the software update you sent, but I am stillgetting the same error message."Tech Support : "Did you install the update?"Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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3)Customer : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."Tech Support : "Tell me what you've done."Customer : "I typed 'A: SETUP'."Tech Support : "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."Customer : "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."Tech Support : "Insert the MS Word setup disk."Customer : "What?"Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"Customer: "No..."
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4).Customer : "Do I need a computer to use your software?"Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
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5). Tech Support : "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"Tech support : ##### ***
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6) Tech Support : "What type of computer do you have?"Customer : "A white one."Tech support : ******_____####
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7). Tech Support : "What operating system are you running?"Customer : "Pentium."Tech support : ////-----+++
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8). Customer : "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."Tech support : ??????
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9).Cus tomer : "I have Microsoft Exploder."Tech Support : ?!%#$
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10). Customer : "How do I print my voicemail?"Tech support : ??????
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11). Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need toprint document, but the computer won't boot properly."Tech Support : "What does it say?"Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."Tech support : @@@@@
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12). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open24 hours."Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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13). Tech Support : "What does the screen say now?"Customer : "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."Tech Support : "Well?"Customer : "How do I know when it's ready?"Tech support : *** ---- ++++
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The best of the lot
14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report thathis computer is faulty.Tech: What's the problem?User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.Tech: (keep quite)Tech: You'll need a new power supply.User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startupand it will fix theproblem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.Tech support::10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The techis frustrated and fed up.Tech support:: (hush hush)Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but thereis an undocumented DOScommand that will fix the problem.User: I knew it!Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM atthe end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.10 minutes later.User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?User : MS-DOS 6.22 .Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come withNOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give youthe file. Let me know how it goes.1 hour later.User : I need a new power supply.Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?Tech support : (hush hush)User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and hestarted asking questions about the make of power supply.Tech: Then what did he say?User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
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Hight Of all (Too Good) 15) customer care officer: I need a product identification numberright now and may I help u infinding it out?Cust: sureCCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
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